Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Oplan Tuli

The summer of 1999 is very memorable to me.

One of the reasons is that it exposed me to my meth, Tennis. Seeing the then 18-year-old and world no. 1 Martina Hingis battling both the resurgent Steffi Graf and a deranged French crowd in the final of the French Open did it for me. (Don't you just hate reading run-on sentences?)

The mayhem ended with Hingis losing and crying on her mother's shoulders. I love seeing girls cry, they're so cute when they do.

But most importantly, the summer of '99 saw the emergence of my glans penis from its cocoon--the foreskin. After 11 years of hiding, my dick head's finally free as a bird! (Pun intended.)

Summer for young women meant beaches and ballet lessons; for young men, a quick trip to the circumcision ward or the nearest Oplan Tuli program.

Unlike some of my "batch mates", I was not afraid to expose my pee-pee under the wrath of syringes, scissors, clamps and threads. I know they inject anesthesia so I didn't find anything to worry about. Also, a young female doctor conducting the ceremony certainly helped.

"Yahoo! Hindi na ako supot!" I thought after the procedure.

However, what goes on after is an entirely different story.

You see I'm a very happy person. By happy, I mean erections; I get them--a lot.

When I was in high school, I seldom recited because I get erections for no reason at all. You wouldn't want to expose your tent to your classmates do you? I would get an erection while answering an exam or while listening to class discussions (this can also be said at present). Well, my teachers are by no means ugly but they don't fucking deserve my erections.

Being a happy person, this posed as a big problem for me. Whenever I get happy, the stitched skin gets stretched. And when that happens, my eyes tear up. The more my pee-pee grows, the more tears my eyes shed(I cringe when I remember THAT feeling). It's directly proportional.

Maybe this was what they meant by the line "With great happiness comes grave pain."

To be fair, I also had some funny moments after my pee-pee was cut. I will never forget the first time I pissed after being circumcised--I aimed and missed! The moment I released my floodgates, my pee shot straight into the white tiled wall!

And so, whenever I pee, I make sure I'm two feet away from the toilet.

After a month or so, my pee-pee fully recovered. And it's not too long till I met "jack." You know "jack" right?

Maybe this was what they meant by the line "After the storm, comes a rainbow."


Anonymous ge said...


pota ka poli, wala kaming macomment ni tin dito.

magsama kayo ni arvee, ang gaganda ng mga naiisip nio pagkatapos ng holy week.

ayaw kita katabi pagclass discussions.


April 10, 2007 at 11:43:00 PM GMT+8  
Anonymous ainj said...

now this is great writing! :D

April 10, 2007 at 11:45:00 PM GMT+8  
Anonymous hermione said...

hahaha. i dont know, i had a friend who also confessed one of his erection moments to me (through phone). and im the only one he told to. (and he's gay. at least, i think so)...

after which, i didnt want to talk to him for a while. and he didnt mention it again.

you opened the topic again - umm...

x___x - i guess men are men indeed...

April 11, 2007 at 12:18:00 AM GMT+8  
Anonymous arvee said...

and youre supposed to have come back from an out-of-town meditation with God.. XD

the trick in being un-"happy" in class, bets, is by refraining from staring at your professor's chest. ive caught you doing just that a lot of times during philippine history and biology.. XDXDXDXD

April 11, 2007 at 1:03:00 AM GMT+8  
Blogger the_fallen said...

omg.. you get erections from recitations?! that's scary.. no wonder you're so happy during biology.. hekhek..

babae ba ang tumuli sayo? i know this guy na babae yung doktor na tumuli sa kanya. nag-erect pa siya bago tuliin dahil hinimas daw nung doktor yung pee-pee niya! hehehe.. adek talaga yun.

April 11, 2007 at 2:41:00 AM GMT+8  
Blogger mikaela said...

they say that a man's average erection per day is 10..

is yours average?

I had a seatmate back in high school telling me he was having erections right there and then while copying lectures.

April 11, 2007 at 1:13:00 PM GMT+8  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

kay fivefeeh ka siguro nagkaroon ng pinakamaraming erections noh?haha! buti na lang kasama ko si bitch3 nung binasa ko toh. sakit sa tiyan!-bitch2

April 11, 2007 at 5:59:00 PM GMT+8  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

to bitch2 and 3:


malamang totoo nga na kay fivefeeh siya parating tinitigasan.
baka naiisip niya na pwerta yung mga butas ng ilong ni fivefeeh!


April 12, 2007 at 11:59:00 AM GMT+8  
Blogger samuel said...

Isang salita:

Malibog. XD

April 12, 2007 at 1:02:00 PM GMT+8  
Anonymous Szusza said...

You're a horny bastard.

But everyone knows that.

April 13, 2007 at 8:29:00 AM GMT+8  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hindi mo ba sinubukan i-tape/ bandaid si junior para hindi makulit?


April 14, 2007 at 8:25:00 PM GMT+8  
Anonymous Shayne said...

Tangina. Poli. Tangina. HAHAHA


April 18, 2007 at 7:35:00 PM GMT+8  
Anonymous JM said...

wow, poli! akala ko ako lang rin nakakakuha ng erections during class hours nung high school tayo! hahaha...pero ako dahil naman sa nilalamig ako.


April 19, 2007 at 11:38:00 PM GMT+8  

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