Thursday, February 8, 2007

Little Pink Riding Hood

The morning of Feb. 8, 2007 was turning out to be normal one. Until I made the worst decision of my whole life--riding in the back seat of a Pasig-Quiapo FX.

Little did I know that there's a monster lurking inside--a fat poser.

Grrr... any kind posers make me homicidal. But what ticks me most are the pa-saucy ones.

If only I had a bamboo pole...

...and an apple.

I knew she was a CEU nursing student from the get-go as she was sporting their trademark uniform--the Little Pink Riding Hood...without the hood.

Actually she looked more like the Big Bad Wolf or the Big, Bad Chicharon.

Since when did Hippopotamuses started studying BS Nursing?

I have nothing against fat people but since she annoyed every cell and every atom in my body, I'll see to it that I make fun of her "baboyness."

I noticed that she was occupying 80% of the FX's back portion. And she still had the nerve to put her bag on the seat. I looked at the bag, then I looked at her.

"Paano niya kaya nadadala yung bag niya? Hinliliit pa lang niya, hindi na kakasya yung bag niya."

Maybe she puts her bag in her pocket. Who knows? Maybe I should have alighted at Mendiola to see.

Now I'm wondering, "What if she used a clutch bag?"I can only conclude that the bag will disappear before us once she sandwich it between her sweaty and vast armpits.

Vast is the word, a word I usually use when a Geography or History professor asks me to define what a continent is.

I sat in front of her and what a pain--literally. Her knees, which were the size of bowling balls (and just as hard), were shattering mine into pieces. I tried mightily to shift into a different position but I was stuck. So I just endure the pain...huhu nasa Pasig pa lang ako. Malayo pa ang Maynila.

She was holding a Starbucks coffee in her right hand. I was so pissed. Everytime she would sip, she'll glance at me. As if saying "Hey, derr! Luk at meeh I'm like drinking Starbucks raaay now."

I wanted to punch her face that moment, but I knew better. Punching her face means bruising my knuckles purple and blue.

After about 20 minutes, we were at the intersection of Shaw Boulevard and Lee St. I knew that there is a Starbucks at that place so I eagerly waited for her reaction. The minute we passed by Starbucks, she stared at it. As if saying "Hey derr! That's were I make bili the coffee I'm drinking raaay now."

I wanted to tell her this, "Hey derr! Gaano mo na katagal ginagamit yang baso ng Starbucks na yan? Ulul, hindi ako tanga, noong isang taon pa yang baso na yan. Nilalagyan mo lang ng tinunaw na Kopiko tuwing umaga."

Finally, she finished her coffee. Whew.

"O, itago mo na yan sa wallet mo...este bag mo. Gagamitin mo pa yan ulit bukas," I thought.

She then unsheathed what seems to be an i Pod. I swear the fucking thing was only a few inches from my face. She put the earphones on and started bobbing her head, trying too look cool. Again she started glancing at me.

"Unang-una japeyks yang i Pod mo! Siguro i Puke yan no?! Ang alam ko kasi sa ilalim sinasaksak ang jack nung earphones ng i Pod, hindi sa gilid. Saka yang screen masyadong malaki! Feeling mo hindi pa ako nakakita ng i Pod. Ulul, klasmeyt ko si Miggy. Pangalawa, yung pagtaas-baba ng ulo mo habang nakikinig ay hindi cool. Kamukha mo yung mga aso na nilalagay sa dashboard ng mga sasakyan. Sayang walang ganun itong FX, edi sana nakita mo kung ano hitsura mo."

No, I'm not bitter.

We were already in Pureza when I noticed that her bag had the familiar "LV" sign on it--Louis Vuitton.

"Woow! Louis Vuitton! May alam akong magandang brand ng bag...personalized siya kaya okay. Yung leather na gagamitin eh gawa mismo sa balat mo! Tapos yung mga butones gawa sa mga ngipin mo! Galing no? Kung interesado ka, eto calling card ko. Ako may ari nung kumpanya, ako mismo magbabalat ng mukha mo para gawing bag! Woohoo!"

Finally, it was Vicente Cruz. I got out. I got out. I GOT OUT! I never thought that I would be able to. I don't know how I got out, but I did! And that's the important thing.

I felt my oxygen level dropped drastically. The pig must've been hogging all the oxygen inside the FX.

No, I'm not bitter.

10 Comments:

Anonymous hermione said...

hahaha!

That was really weird - her glancing at you every climactic point of your story - harhar!

x_x

I wondered whether there would be someone who could rival your contempt to atienza...

figures there are still other living souls x_x

February 9, 2007 at 12:50:00 PM GMT+8  
Anonymous arvee said...

youre just envious bets

refrigerator-sized matrons during roadtrips do have the tendency to be annoying. one even scolded me once, telling me that my clothlike bag was occupying too much space in the seat. i, unlike you, answered her back: "wala na nga akong pwesto nang umupo ka eeh"

you should try crap-mouthing people right in their faces sometime. atleast your blog will be a lot less gloomier XD you obviously wanted a sip from that cup too

February 9, 2007 at 1:03:00 PM GMT+8  
Blogger Allan said...

^^

I can't because I'm good.
I can't because she's scary.
You can because you're evil.

I already crapped mouthed someone in Hidalgo. A koya bumped me and put the blame on me. Drug addicts for some reason are less scary than
this Little Pink Riding Hood.

Ha, the pot calling the kettle black. Yours is just as gloomy as mine!

February 9, 2007 at 4:05:00 PM GMT+8  
Anonymous Szusza said...

That was stupid of her, to expose her "ipod" (if it really were an ipod) to the world. I usually just look through the songs while they're in my bag, especially when I'm in a public vehicle.

That was extremely rude of her, to place the bag on the seat like she owned the car (well, technically she owned the car because her fat ass occupied the whole thing, but whatever).

February 10, 2007 at 1:40:00 AM GMT+8  
Anonymous ge said...

haha! dapat magcomplie tau ng "stories of annoying 'seatmates'"

isama natin ung adik na ateng katabi ko sa buS!

February 10, 2007 at 2:46:00 PM GMT+8  
Blogger samuel said...

The Good:

Perhaps the reason for her actions was caused by her insecurity in her physical attributes.

The Bad:

"Miss World" should be banned in public vehichles. Not only did she commit the mortal sin of "Paninira ng araw ng iba" and social climbing. She could have caused the entire vehichle to break down, jeopardizing the lives of the other passengers. MMDA should create some sort of weight limit for the safety FX passengers.

Curse Starbucks for making people into...such evil persons.

February 10, 2007 at 5:59:00 PM GMT+8  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

krrk!
iniintindi mo pa kasi si ati, e.
malay mo nagpapa-cute lang siya sa'yo.
hehehe.

(pekpek. ang lelebel ng comments ng mga friendships mo!)

lover

February 18, 2007 at 4:42:00 PM GMT+8  
Blogger Paula said...

tangina. XD may mga nakasakay din ako na taga CEU nursing. XD pero di cla sing laki ng nakasabay mo. XDD

gara. XD

February 18, 2007 at 6:33:00 PM GMT+8  
Anonymous mayi said...

ito talaga ang pinaka-favorite koh...^^

March 9, 2007 at 12:49:00 PM GMT+8  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"MMDA should create some sort of weight limit for the safety FX passengers."

I'm sorry but this is SOOOOOOO STUPID!!!!

August 30, 2008 at 10:28:00 AM GMT+8  

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